Since I have not been able to tell my side of the story to the community without being shut down, I am going to do it in writing. This is one of the hardest things I've had to write. I have not been able to fully tell my side of what's happened over the last year. Partially, because I was hoping to deescalate the situation, but mostly because every time I tried, I was denied the right to speak and be heard. A false narrative about who I am, how I behave, and what my motivations are have spread through the community, resulting in members ignoring what I have to say.
I was happy living at Sasona for the first year after I moved in. I found some good friends, and many wonderful people. I was happily doing labor that suited my skill sets.
I don't know when the lies about me started, but I do know that they spread shortly after Mattias moved in. For example, up until that time I was good friends with Mae. I helped her get to her chemo appointments. She asked my advice on many things. We had a good relationship. Shortly after Mattias moved in she started accusing me of not doing the labor on grounds that I had been doing for the previous year. I found later that she had not logged into the grounds coordinator account. She hadn't been keeping track of grounds labor for that entire time. When she did finally log in, she erased all the labor data because it was "old". This is where I had been logging my grounds hours for the year and a half that I was on grounds labor.
Within a week of Mattias moving in, he started bullying me, about my voice, about politics, and anything else he could use against me. For example, he would mishear something I said, then make fun of me for the next several hours, as if I said what he imagined. Many of these events took place in the art shed, an area that Mattias seemed to make a claim over. Within a month, I stopped visiting the art shed. I had previously spent much time there, because it's a nice place to sit, watch the trees, meditate, and talk to people. After several occasions of Mattias bullying me in the art shed, I felt unwelcome there. He made it clear to me that it was his territory, and I was unwelcome.
Shortly after this, Mattias started going to Gracy, and others, with complaints. By the time I felt like a mediation was needed, a false narrative about my behavior had already been established among residents and mediators. I was told that I don't listen, when I tried to talk about the abuse I was suffering from or about Mattias distortions of the truth. My attempts at guidance were distorted into harassment. I stopped talking to Mattias about anything that was unnecessary. He started saying that normal discussions that we had at the dinner table about global events were depressing and making his life at Sasona miserable. This was also used against me, when I was not the instigator of these discussions and others had an interest in them as well. Other people in the community would talk about global events and were not accused of the same things.
Mattias and I both asked for mediation around the same time. Throughout my experiences with Mattias, he has been jumping to conclusions that are not based in facts, but on assumptions he has imagined, without bothering to gather information or consult others who have more experience or knowlege of the situations. When I've presented how the community has traditionally done something, he has rejected many of these values and practices as irrelevant or unnecessary. For example, when i told Mattias that contractors needed to have an escort, like any non member of the house, he would stat that he didn't feel that was necessary, or he wasn't going to do it. This resulted the situation where I asked the contractor to leave the property. According to our rules, any member can ask any non member to leave the property at any time, especially if they don't have an escort. This and other instances of Mattias ignoring my advice regarding Sasona's policies is what led to the frustration and asking for mediation with Mattias.
During our mediation, everything I brought up was shifted so that I was to blame. Mattias wouldn't take responsibility for having an unescorted contractor on the property. Somehow, I was to blame for asking an unescorted non resident who was being belligerent, to leave the property. This reversal of roles, aka projection, is something that I have experienced repeatedly with Mattias. During the mediation, I felt that Mattias was projecting my emotions onto himself. He was taking all the emotional issues and aguish that I was having as a result of his behavior toward me, and saying that he was experiencing these same emotions as a result of what I was doing. I wasn't doing the things he said I was doing. I wasn't doing anything other than trying to help him integrate into the community and take on his role. He was interpreting my help as a hindrance. Every attempt as guidance was interpreted by him, as an attack. I never wanted to make his situation more difficult. What I was doing, trying to pass on maintenance coordinator to mattias, and introduce him to the community culture as cultural coordinator. I talked to the membership coordinator and the steward at the time about the issues I was having. I was not going around telling people negative things about Mattias. I was also not talking about being bullied. I didn't want to escalate the situation. At the time, I felt there was still hope.
When I would try to bring these issues up during the mediation, Mattias would whine about leaving Sasona or quitting maintenance coordinator. Every time I tried to explain the problems I was experiencing, or the issues that maintenance should be covering, he got flustered and upset. I had to acquiesce to anything he said, otherwise he would get upset. I was told that I wasn't listening. Throughout this process the same thing has happened repeatedly. Any time Mattias should have taken responsibility for his actions, or had his lies exposed by myself or others, he has angrily complained about being attacked, and often stormed out of the room. He can't handle being challenged in what he believes. Particularly when these beliefs are not real, go against our policies, or involve a situation when he should be apologizing to others for his actions.
Mattias and I had two formal mediation discussions. We were supposed to follow up, but no further issues arose, so we didn't go return for a follow up. After the membership review, I asked again for mediation so that we could work out unresolved issues, but it was refused by Mattias. He continued to claim that mediation didn't work. Mediation isn't something that works or it doesn't. It is an ongoing process where different approaches may need to be tried, until something works. In most mediation processes that I have read, refusing mediation is a refusal to work with the community. Someone who refuses mediation, no longer has grounds for complaints. My ask of Mattias, during mediation, was to stop making things up about me, and gossiping them. I'm not sure he understood what I was asking. He couldn't comprehend that he was believing things that were not based in fact or reality. As far as he was concerned, his prejudiced assumptions were real to him., and therefor real to everyone else. After the mediation it was clear to me that Mattias had no interest in deescalating the situation or resolving issues in an amicable way. I respected what he wanted, to stop talking about maintenance.
Around the time of the mediation, we had a meeting topic around guns in the house. while we were all expressing our feelings and opinions, Mattias was getting very emotional on the subject, which I felt was getting into manipulative territory. I said something to the effect that I would feel safer if we could protect ourselves, as a way to present a different viewpoint. Mattias immediately seized upon this. He looked at me with an expression that said, "I have you now". After the meeting, he met with people, treating the discussion as a personal attack oh himself. Mattias could have asked me about my comment to clarify. He could have told me that he felt hurt by it. He could have accepted that people have opinions other than his own. Instead, after the meeting, he started spreading rumors that I had guns in the house. When I tried to explain that he imagined that I had guns in the house, he refused to accept that what he believed was and assumption on his part, and not real. He fully believed that I had guns in the house and would not accept otherwise. I don't know if this was intentionally malicious or merely delusional on his part. The effects were the same. It resulted in many discussions about guns in the house, where it was repeatedly brought up that I was breaking the rules. I have never had gun or ammunition at Sasona.
.During these discussions, community members would talk about someone definitely has a gun in the house, without verifying any information. My understanding at the time was that the person with the gun in the house was Baily Martel. Although, to my knowledge, this was never expressed outright publicly, leaving community members to speculate on who had a gun. Many assumed it was myself, due to Mattia's persistence, or Manual, who was often blamed for things people didn't like. Most these discussions, I was not a part of. I had no interest in discussing guns. Our policy, at the time, was no guns in the house. I respected the opinions of other members of the community, and felt that it was a fine policy to continue. Mattias went to the board to try to get me evicted. In the end our no gun policy was removed by the board without our input or consent. Members of Sasona voted twice not to change our policy, before the board voted to remove it for us.
Up until that moment, I was told that we were a bottom up decision making coop. Bottom up decision making is the default for coop processes as they are designed to reduce or eliminate hierarchy. It is stated in our documents that we can override the boards decisions. At that point, as culture coordinator, I started looking into trainings and guidance on what it means to be a coop, so that we could bring this division to a close. The rumors that I had guns or ammo in the house continued to be used against me. It discredited my reputation, and painted me as a person who ignores the communities values and rules. What's worse, is I was one of the few people trying to uphold our values and rules. When I moved into Sasona, I put my own beliefs aside to maintain the culture of the existing community. I spent a lot of time learning from other members of the community and asking questions about how things are done, and what's expected. I was being presented by a small group of people as the opposite of what I believed and practiced. Mattias continued spreading these lies after he found that we couldn't legally evict people for having guns on the property. To this day, people in the community still believe that I am a dangerous person.
Around the same time, I noticed other members of the community, who had been very friendly with me, becoming distrustful. I was now being treated with suspicion, as if everything I said was a lie. I was no longer treated with the respect that every member deserves. I was not being treated as an equal in the community, as our documents all state that we should. I began to feel as if I was being treated as a subhuman.
Part of why I was being singled out, was that I noticed Mattias' manipulation after he moved in. He would praise people constantly. He tried to praise me for things which I knew he couldn't possibly have an opinion on. Still, I accepted it as I wanted to be friendly and didn't see any harm in it at the time. I believe now that the praise was a technique for feeling people out to see who was going to believe Mattias' when he made things up, and who would be suspicious of his motives. He also played those typical male pecking order games, making fun of me and others to see where we would fit in to his dominance order.
The first sign I saw of the effectiveness of his manipulation was on new years, only months after he moved in. Mattias told many people that kitchen labor was canceled on new years, like it is on Christmas and Thanksgiving. When I told people that this was not the case, we still have labor on new years, people didn't believe me, even after I pointed out what it said in our wiki. To change this would require vote by members of the community during a business meeting. The reason people gave was because Mattias had said kitchen labor was canceled. Members believed mattias over our written policies. I found this curious, because Mattias was our newest member. It was obvious to me that he didn't check our policies, before proclaiming a suspension of kitchen labor. Since then I have seen Mattias change our policies, our relationship with CHEA, and our relationships with each other.
Something I've learned in social organizing and studies into psychology, is that the person who starts the narrative, controls the narrative. Mattias' manipulation worked because he told the story first, and spread it rapidly among his supporters and other members of the community. He also defined his narrative in such a way that no one would believe what I said in response, when a response was possible. The narrative was developed behind closed doors, among people who were already responsive to Mattias' manipulation. A process that is known as negative gossip. By this time he had already organized a faction of followers that believed what he said, regardless of the facts. He had spent his first several months, praising people for everything he can, so that they would be more likely believe his narratives. People who resort to this type of manipulation often use it as a gauge. They figure out who they can manipulate, and who they can not. This is the first step in divide and conquer strategies for disrupting community organizations, or seizing power. Whether it's intentional or unintentional, the results are the same. Mattias used them to his advantage and to gain power in the community for himself, and his friends. This developed into a faction, where people support each other in circumventing or changing the rules in order to seize power. I believe he does this to protect himself, but I am not sure of his motivations. I have seen this done in other organizations to take control, kick people out, and steal money.
I still don't know who has contributed which narratives to the gossip. I do know that someone like Mattias will not stop until they get what they want. Mattias has repeatedly taken insignificant events and inflated them into horrible accusations, then stating that these isolated events were ongoing. Eventually stating that they are a pattern of behavior. The only pattern here is the consistent abuse of false accusations against me. I don't think Mattias is a bad person. He's not dealing with his trauma, and he's taking it out of other people. He likely feels a need to control those around him so that he can feel secure. It doesn't justify creating distrust of others, or the abuse of people around him. It doesn't justify using money from sasona to buy favoritism in other members.
Mike
I always liked Mike. He was an unashamed capitalist, but we got along fine for the most part. From time to time, he said some disturbing things that I would challenge him on, but I felt we were being friendly. I know that many members of the community did not like Mike Nahaus and questioned his presence in the community.
When I became culture coordinator, I received seven separate complaints about Mike in the first week. Most of them were for saying things that made people feel extremely uncomfortable with him, and his presence in the house. He seemingly felt that he was not getting the service he was paying for. He didn't feel that our decision making process was working, because he didn't get what he wanted out of it. I and others had also witnessed him trying to manipulate our voting process on multiple occasions by representing situations as a crisis that required us take immediate action, and to vote the way he wanted. When he did not get his way after these meetings, he would go outside and take his frustrations out on the punching bag. After he didn't get what he wanted during a budget discussion, he wanted to change out house voting structure to fifty percent rather than seventy five percent requirement to pass a motion. He also wanted to create an automatic budget processes that would exclude members input and concerns, and set an automatic raising of rent every year. Some of us, suspected he also wanted to price out the lower income members. He stated on several occasions that Sasona and CHEA should be charging market rates for housing every member. He felt that low income people should not be living in our coops. Jessie also voiced such sentiments. It put myself and others at unease with the board, since our board representatives, MIke and Jessie, were both against low income housing, which is part of CHEAs mission. Many in the community felt that our board reps were not representing the community. It was clear that our board reps did not understand the nature of coop organizations or value people living with poverty. They both have business backgrounds, and do not appreciate or understand horizontal decision making. Our documents clearly state that our decision making should be oriented from the bottom up and not from the top down. they also state that we should all have euqal power in our communities reguardless of roles that we take on. Board members do not have any more of a say in policies than anyone else in the communities. Since then, the board has become increasingly authoritarian, and less friendly to those who struggle with income.
Mike began to attack me through passive aggressive agenda items targeting my position as mastodon overblower. He would make agenda items for things that I was already doing, representing them as things not getting done. He never talked to me about these items beforehand, as was the expectation of our culture at the time.
During the member review, he accused me of not filing reports to his liking, as an example that I was not doing my labor. I filed reports just like anyone else. I was being unfairly singled out based on exaggerated accusations. He hated me because I pointed out the failures of capitalism from time to time. He understood that capitalism is the cause of global warming, but would get angry when discussing reducing or eliminating capitalism as a way to heal our planet.
Every time Mike's contact was expiring, he delayed signing so that he could find someplace else to live. He state that if he did not find another place, he would re-sign. He did not leave because of me. He only said that because he hated me for my political and economic views, and wanted me to be evicted. It is said that another person left because of me, but that person has never been named, and most likely was a manufactured accusation. There may have been several people that left because of mike. There was a lot of relief from members and former members after mike moved out. He caused issues with residents the entire time he lived at Sasona. He didn't like cooperative cultural values. He didn't want to compromise with anyone, and treated members as servants. "Why is a capitalist living in a coop?", has a common question raised by many residents, former residents of Sasona, and people in the Austin coop community, in regards to Mike's presence at Sasona, and other capitalists that choose to live in coops.
Mike often use negative gossip as a way to attack people and try to further his agendas within the community. This is the primary way in which he attacked me, He would exaggerate things I did, or didn't do as often as he could. Throughout, I never personally disliked Mike. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how we could communicate better, and how I could convey the values of traditions of cooperative structures. He had a tendency to shut down anytime he faced something he didn't agree with, particularly anything that presented negative aspects of authoritarianism or capitalism. I spent a lot of time working on how we could resolve the issues Mike was inflicting on many members of the community, without people ganging up on him.
Mike was not the only one that people in the community were having ongoing issues with.
On Christmas day, Ella and Mae removed all the decorations from a fridge in the kitchen. Alex and Star were upset that the decorations were removed. Some of us had noticed that decorations were being removed here and there previously. which is a similar pattern happening across the house. Things are slowly thrown away/disappear from public areas, week by week. Later that day, I was in the kitchen with Star and Olivia when Mae passed through. Mae said something derogatory about the fridge being repopulated with decorations. She was visibly upset. Several people in the kitchen voiced their polite frustration about how removing the artwork was not appropriate and frustrating to members of the community. Mae refused to accept their sentiments. She got very angry and left the room. Several days later, after Gracie returned, she told me that Mae had said that people ganged up on her and were screaming at her. None of which was true. She grossly exaggerated the situation, and refused to take any responsibility for upsetting people. Items belonging to members of the community continue to be thrown away at regular intervals.
Membership review
For six months, everything was fine. There were no further issues. My accusers claim otherwise, but there's no specific incidents that they can point to. They've only stated a general feeling that the issues continued after mediation throughout this time.
As soon as Gracie moved out of the house, the faction started a membership review toward me. The list of accusations were things that had been resolved through mediation six months earlier, and items that were not specific to me or my roles in the community. The list of accusations were primarily made up of lies and distortions, much of which was oriented to take responsibility away from the accusers, and place blame entirely on me.
During the member review process, the narrative was controlled so tightly that no one came to me to ask what was my perspective on the list of accusations. Some of my friends knew what was happening. They could see it themselves. The accusers went around talking to members of the community individually about the accusations in order to manipulate the outcome. By the time the membership review took place, minds had already been made up as to the validity of the accusations. I spent 6 hours responding to accusations and very few took me seriously.
Accusers and their allies kept saying that "people feel that the issues were not resolved." When I asked about what issues had come up since the mediation, not one person, including the accusers could come up with a single instance.
There is still no evidence that disproves my first hand knowledge of the incident with the contractor. My dog did not bite the contractor. The contractor did not say that my dog bit him. Mattias is the person who said my dog bit the contractor. He created this narrative to to harm myself and my dog.. Like the accusations about guns in the house, this was used against me, with no evidence, to discredit me in the eyes of the community. When I tried to explain that my dog did not bite the contractor, I was treated as if I was lying. I was there, I know that my dog didn't bite the contractor. I was watching him the entire time. My dog didn't bite people before this incident, and hasn't bitten anyone since. David Quick later said that he witnessed my dog biting the contractor, but he was not present during the incident.
During the member review. The accusers continued to lie about me and things I had done. Most of which I was unable to respond to, due to the number of accusations being thrown at me in short periods of time. This is a manipulative tactic used to overwhelm. I was deprived of sleep, for over a week, and overly stressed from being in the situation. Being bombarded with false accusations is incredibly stressful and cruel. They presented no burden of proof for their accusations. At one point Mattias stated he shouldn't have the burden of proof, being an accuser. Burden of proof being on the accuser is a foundation of our society. Without it, people can be punished based on false accusations without evidence. I tried to state the truth and was repeatedly dismissed and ignored.
When a vote was taken on the action to happen, I was uninformed of what we were voting on. I was excluded from participating in the behavior contract discussions that resulted from the membership review. I was not party to the resulting contract. When I brought up issues which I wanted to negotiate into the contract, I was denied before my issues with the contract could be heard.
At every step of this process, my voice has been silenced and ignored. I've been treated as if I'm lying about everything I discuss with people. This attitude toward me started shortly after Mattias' moved in,. Around the time the interpersonal problems started. By the time the member review happened, a good portion of the house wouldn't take anything I said seriously, and often opposed anything I said without hearing me or others out. It is incredibly stressful being dehumanized in this way. I was isolated from the community. Everyone was talking about me, but no one was talking to me, outside of my close friends. The narrative was completely controlled by the accusers. This has gone to further create divisions within the house. It has caused me months of sleepless stress. No one should have to suffer like this.
I do not believe that Mattias made up these false narratives alone. They were created by a small group of people who wanted to do me harm. The common thread in all the accusers is that they cannot take responsibility for their actions. They refuse to listen to anything they don't believe in.
The membership review was designed to be abusive. I faced a large number of accusations. There was no way to establish the truth or accuracy of the accusations. Lies were treated the same as factual statements. Facts were distorted, misrepresented or made up entirely. Someone would list of ten accusations and I could only address three of them before someone accused me of not listening. The membership review amounted to torture by my accusers. Afterwards, I was mentally damaged for weeks. I doubted everything that I knew about myself, about community. I knew that our processes were twisted and weaponized toward abuse, but I still blamed myself for everything I experienced.
Behavior Contract
The behavior contract had little to do with the membership review. After removing all the accusations that didn't break Sasona's rules, there were a handful accusations that were based on lies. Keeping my dog on a leash because he bit supposedly someone. Submitting written officer reports, because Mike didn't like my verbal reports during meetings . I was being punished for things that my dog and I didn't do. Still, I went along with it. I didn't have much choice. I had to follow the contract or lose my home. the behavioral contract had little to do with correcting behavior, and everything to do with punishment for being different. At the end of the contract term everyone stated that I completed the contract. Normally when this happens, a member has made amends for their behavior, and the issues are considered resolved.
During the middle of august. My car was damaged, resulting in at least $2000 of additional repairs. the vehicle is undriveable with current damage due to the broken headlight that cannot be repaired until the body work is done. No one has come forward to claim responsibility. I can only assume that the damage was intentional. There is only one vehicle that parks in the spot where the damage was done, and is capable of doing the damage at the height it was done.. this would be Mattia's truck. It looks like he was trying to angle his truck to unload something down the path and fount it convenient to damage my car.. He has not admitted responsibility.
After the membership review and the behavior contract, I continued to be treated as if everything I was saying was a lie.
After the June member review, I had to face my abusers on a daily basis. I had to face them in meetings, where they would dismiss things I had to say. They would create agenda items to force my role in the house to do things that were already a part of our procedures or policies, as if I wasn't doing them already. I would not be consulted on these issues. When I tried to raise concerns or state that the item wasn't necessary I would be dismissed. No one talked to me about these agenda items beforehand. If they had they would have been resolved without the need for taking up time and discussion during meetings.
Maintenance
I have worked as a caretaker and a contractor in the past. I worked on maintenance at Roots Ecovillage for four years. I worked on maintenance at Sasona for over a year. I was maintenance coordinator for five months and often assisted in parts of the role long before that.
My frustration with maintenance labor is not unfounded. The major problems I had on my list as maintenance coordinator, fixing the kitchen floor underneath the sanitizer, and cooling problems in the dark side due to a lack of insulation and duct work, are still unaddressed. The floor rot in the kitchen has spread another three feet since it became a priority for me. On some occasions, there are mushrooms growing out of the floor. As a member of the community, I asked once what the status on the progress was. I was told by a mediator not to talk to Mattias about maintenance issues again. I didn't bring up maintenance issues again. This was a year before the membership review. Maintenance is still not being held accountable for their lack of progress on these and many other maintenance issues. Other people are now afraid to bring up maintenance issues for fear of being accused of harassment, and with the understanding that the problems will not be fixed.
I told several people that I could fix the refrigerators if I had the right tools and parts. The commercial fridge needed the thermostat replaced. The other fridge had a failing compressor. These are easy fixes that do not cost a lot. In both cases my offer to fix the fridges were met with silence. One person said she thought we needed to replace them because they were "old". Commercial equipment is designed to be repaired. I was denied the opportunity to do labor that would have saved Sasona money and labor. Similarly, I could have fixed the plumbing problems we faced a year earlier that cost us many thousands of dollars, and resulted in excessive work being done, and damage to the foundation of the house.
Since Mattias, and later, Baily Martel, have become maintenance coordinator, any issues I have raised have been used against me. Every member of Sasona has a responsibility to report maintenance issues. However when I discuss issues, it is taken as harassment. When I've offered to help or resolve maintenance issues, I've been ignored. Additionally, Maintenance work is not being done. Everything from large projects to small repairs and regular maintenance is not happening. Instead it's been replaced with busy work, like replacing door knobs, or purchasing items for members of the faction.
When I was maintenance coordinator, I would routinely ask questions to previous coordinators about the history of maintenance work before starting on a task. Mattias and Baily Martel have not asked me any questions about the history of maintenance issues around the house. Communities like Sasona depend on oral history being transferred from member to member. When this chain of communication breaks down or is ignored, it can be very costly, both financially and socially for the community. When new coordinators ignore the way things have been done in the past, it can be very unsettling to other members. Eventually members become unsure of how to behave and retreat from sociability.
Baily Martel
Baily Martel has always expressed a range of disinterested to hostile toward me. Often she would be dismissive when I had information to add to a conversation.
Before the member review, Baily Martel had been particularly hostile, treating me as if I'm lying when giving facts or experience on topics around the house and in general.
A week before the member review Baily Martel confronted me in the kitchen with Mae. She accused me of trying to control Sasona and making life difficult for others. Only afterwards did I understand that they were building support for the membership review.
For a time Baily Martel and I cooked together. At first I was excited, I thought we would make great meals together. Fairly quickly it was clear to me that Baily Martel did not want my input into our meal preparations. she would decide what she was cooking and tell me I should come up with sides that fit her meal. At times, when I expressed that I wanted to make a main course, she said no. It didn't fit her plans. After a few weeks, I lost interest in cooking.
One evening, after the behavior contract was completed, I was in the dining room with Olivia and Baily Martel. I asked Baily Martel for a list of purchase records that maintenance had made for last year. Baily Martel responded with "I see what game your playing." I told her I wasn't playing a game. I'm a member of the house and I have concerns about maintenance spending. I wanted to see the list so I could put my worries to rest. This escalated into Baily Martel accusing me of trying to kick people out of the house, manipulating people, trying to control Sasona, and being evil. I don't know if Baily Martel made up these accusations herself or if they were being spread among the group of people who have been falsely accusing me of other things, but she was certainly expressing them to myself and others.
In the weeks afterward, whenever I passed Baily Martel in a hallway, she would stare me down with a look like she was going to hurt me. She started knocking once on my door as she walked past. This happened a few times a week, sometime every day. The result being that my dog would get upset and often I was awoken from desperately needed sleep. After several weeks of this happening, sometimes as many as ten times a day, I was mentally distraught. I felt like she would attack me physically at any moment. I was worried she would come into my room at night and kill me. l knew that locking my door would be useless, as she has keys to all the rooms. My only comfort knowing that my dog would alert me if someone tried to enter my room. Still, I lived in fear of Baily Martel, every day.
When Baily Martel announced that the mini splits were to cleaned by a contractor. I stated that it isn't how we did the cleanings in the past. I was dismissed before I could explain further. In the past, we would ask each member, who had a mini split in their room, if they wanted to clean it themselves or have someone from the maintenance team clean it. If they chose to do it themselves, we would explain how to clean it, if they had not done it before. This involved opening up the mini split, cleaning out the dust, then using the cleaner spray to spray down the fins, while holding a bucket underneath. Baily Martel chose the most intrusive way to clean the mini splits out of all the available options. This was unnecessary, and I believe, with the intention of provoking a conflict. She refused my requests for an accommodation to clean the mini split myself.
I was told I had to move stuff out of my room to make room for the cleaning. On the day that the contractor arrived, I had spent the morning moving about 1/3 of the stuff out of my room. I had to take off work to do this. The contractor said that all of the rooms needed to be further cleared out around the mini splits. For me this would mean two thirds of my room had be cleared out, including my bed and book shelves underneath the mini split.
I told baily that I wanted to opt out. I did not want move all my stuff out a second time. I was not refused.
I already felt that this was a bit intrusive, considering this was a procedure we historically did ourselves. I knew that I could clean the mini split myself without moving so many things out of my room. So I told baily I didn't want to move stuff out of my room again. It took much of the next day to move my stuff back into my room.
I asked baily again to do the work myself and was refused. Olivia suggested we could use Sams room, which was being vacated, to store the stuff from all of our rooms, so that we didn't have to move it all out on the morning of the cleaning. I was convinced by olivia that moving stuff out of my room wouldn't be as bad as I was imagining it to be. The cleaning of the mini split was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. No matter what course of action I took, it would be used against me later.
The cleaning was rescheduled, without my knowledge or consent. I was not told by maintenance that the cleaning had been scheduled, I was told by our memco when discussing other things. I was asked not to move my stuff into the room yet, because pictures were going to be taken of the empty room.
On the morning of the cleaning, I had three hours of sleep, due to stress of being treated like a person who doesn't deserve respect and stared down every day. I still felt that this was an unnecessary inconvenience, which Baily Martel was pushing on me, because she believes that I am evil. After moving my stuff out of my room for several hours, I was struggling and exhausted. Baily again stared me down in the hallway, but this time with a smile that said to me "I got you, I can make you suffer". She didn't offer to help or apologize.
When we passed again, I asked if I could get some compensation for the lost work. she said no. I accepted the answer. I clarified that I didn't want compensation from Sasona, because I thought that was unfair. Baily Martel was forcing me to lose work, not Sasona. I went into my room, Baily Martel walked down the hallway. I saw Squinky in my room. I picked him up in a manner that would protect me from being bitten or scratched, and cause the least distress to the cat. I dropped Squinky about a foot from the floor in the doorway. Squinky freaked, ran into the wall, then down the hallway, unharmed. Baily Martel said, "did you just throw my cat". At which point I said "I'm tired of your bullshit", because I was tired of the intimidation and lies. I knew at that moment that she was going to use the incident to create more drama and lies about me. She has shown a history of lying about me to people. I was already feeling that everything I do in the house is being watched closely by Baily Martel and her friends,. I felt that anything I did would be interpreted as malicious by this group of people.
I asked for mediation. Told Kaycie what was happening. Shortly afterward Baily Martel was talking to Kaycie, I stopped and asked about mediation. Baily Martel greed to mediation.
Before the mediation could take place. A notice was put around the house about a community discussion regarding my "violent behavior". Baily Martel went around to each person in the house, and told them her side of the story. This is a manipulative tactic used to prejudice opinion before discussion can be had. By the time the community conversation took place, many members had already made up their mind about what happened. Baily Martels's performance during the discussion involved more dramatic manipulative tactics. She repeated over and over that she saw me throw the cat, even though she stated originally that she did not see what happened. The false narrative that Baily Martel told was further embellished from the event, to the point that it no longer resembled what happened.
The community decided to have a mediator meeting to further discuss strategy to resolve the situation.
Before the mediators could gather, about four days later, it was announced, during a business meeting, that a new member review would take place regarding my behavior. Still absent from the discussion is Baily Martel's behavior toward me. We were also told that the community was gas-lighting Baily Martel during the community conversation, when people raised concerns that Baily Martel might be embellishing her narrative, because of her hatred of me.
The posting of the member review was filled with more lies and exaggerations. From hindering maintenance to now launching the cat into the wall. It also brought up several accusations that had been repeatedly resolved, including past false statements against me that should have been dismissed. Many of these old accusations were resolved through the previous membership review and related behavioral contract.
No one in a community living situation should be treated this way. It is a form of abuse and mentally detrimental to anyone being targeted.
Baily Martel works in sales. She is well versed in manipulating people to get what she wants. It is what she is paid to do. Baily Martel has proven to me on many occasions, beyond my own interactions, to be a dishonest person. She lies about our policies, about things she's done, about the work she does or doesn't do, and about things others have said. She refuses to take any responsibility for her actions, and will blame others for things she has done to them. She lied about nearly every interaction listed in my membership review. She has lied about me to others in the house, stating that I have motivations or intentions that I do not have. The lies have been malicious, outrageous, and harmful.
I no longer believe that Mattias's or Baily Martel's emotional confessions are honest. I wanted them to be. However, they have demonstrated over and over that they never had any intention of understanding what they put me through. They just want me to suffer. There is no compromise, no amends that can be made. Their hatred of me is unyielding. They don't compromise, because they have an agenda, a goal that they wish to reach, which is my homelessness, isolation, and suffering.
Ongoing Problems
I've been forced to keep quiet about things that should concern all residents. Not only maintenance issues that aren't being resolved, but since Mattias has taken over maintenance and treasurer, spending has not had any oversight. There's a clear conflict of interest in someone holding both roles. I have been in other community organizations where these types of behaviors resulted in theft of funds and abuse of members.
I noticed that large purchases have been made to benefit people who are friends of Mattias and members of the faction. For example, a window unit was purchased without approval of the community and without changes to the room rate for the added electricity usage. Also, room renovations, paid for by Sasona,as favors to Mattias.
Large spending has traditionally been approved by the members of the community. We currently have a maintenance budget of $600 per year or $50 per month. Anything over this amount, that is not reimbursed by Nasco, should be approved by the house as it goes over our budget. Spending that is reimbursed by Nasco has traditionally been approved by the community. Mattias has stated on many occasions, to different members of the community, that maintenance spending does not need to be approved by the community.
When I asked for records of maintenance spending from Baily Martel, I was threatened with retaliation. The subsequent membership review was partially retaliation for asking for financial records. Every community member has the right to ask for financial records. Combined with the lack of oversight into our spending, this is a very dangerous financial situation.
Some people believe that Jessie is the ringleader of the faction. Jessie has been a silent organizer in abuse that I and others have suffered at Sasona. She often uses David as her mouth piece, and her second vote, while avoiding direct conflict. She operates through malicious gossip and passive aggressive use of our house rules, and on occasion posting signs. She gossips with the board in order to turn the board against members of our community. Ensuring that her faction will get what they want. She may be the source of the rumors that labor is not getting done.
The rules around mediation and membership reviews, that are designed to protect people from abuse, have been consistently circumvented or ignored. Mediation is designed to resolve disputes and misunderstandings. It is a foundation of any healthy community. When a person refuses mediation, they refuse to cooperate with the community and it's standards. My accusers have refused mediation because they don't want to take responsibility for their distortions and lies. They won't take responsibility for the abuse they are inflicting on me. They refused to understand or compromise on simple differences of opinion. Using the mediation process is a positive reflection on members. Some members of the community have represented mediation as a form of punishment, when it is nothing of the sort. Mediation is never one direction. it is intended to resolve disagreements and misunderstandings. Traditionally at Sasona, both parties take responsibility for misunderstandings and try to resolve issues without escalation.
A faction has formed that include Mike Nahaus, Mattias Jung, Baily Martel, Ella, Mae Newcombe, Jessie Munn and David Quick. This faction is made up of the privileged people who live at Sasona. They come from wealthier backgrounds and benefit from societies norms. Unlike others in the community who are oppressed by societies norms. The faction has been playing out these societal forms of oppression within our community.
The people in the faction are not following our rules. They make up rules as it benefits them. This was repeatedly demonstrated during the membership reviews, but it doesn't stop there. People on maintenance and grounds who are friends with the coordinators have not been held accountable when they don't do labor, or do labor that doesn't fit within the traditional boundaries of that labor.
When I moved into Sasona, there existed a culture of talking to people whom we had issues with. If someone was upset about something, we would talk to them. resolve our differences. This is what I have tried to do. Each time, talking to people has been used against me. The common thread between all of my accusers is that they cannot take responsibility for their actions. They blame their victims when they have wronged people. They lie to avoid responsibility. Talking to them does not work because they do not put themselves in the place of others to understand what we are going through. This is the core of the faction, to dominate, and avoid responsibility.
They claim that there is another faction, but if there were, I would not be scapegoated as I have been. There is no organization among other members of the community. This is why the faction has been able to successfully target members of the community for abuse.
Without any way to prove the accusations to be accurate, the membership reviews have been used as punishment. Decisions were made before the membership reviews took place. The members of the faction going around individually to every member of the community manipulated the outcome before the membership review could happen. Sam was bullied out of the house in a similar way. He was also denied mediation and other protections that the community is supposed to provide. He still suffers from the decisions a few members of the community made on their own.
I cannot appeal to the board, because the people who are lying about me are the members of the board. That is why they feel so confident with their lies. They know there will be no repercussions from their abuse.
This is not how coops should operate. An open membership cooperative like Sasona should be inclusive of all people. No one should be marginalized or excluded from equal rights. No culture should dominate any other. People should not be abused. The cooperative communities need to stop these sorts of behaviors if they are going to be legitimate housing solutions for the future. As long as people are abused and evicted from housing coops and intentional communities, the whole concept of intentional communities will suffer. No one should be scapegoated, for what they believe in, their gender, the color of their skin, or their cultural differences.
my experiences
Throughout this campaign against me, I have been treated as if I'm subhuman. The accusations and circumvention of process in the membership reviews show that I do not share the same rights as everyone else in the community. There are many people, including the accusers that have done far worse to members of the community than what I'm accused of. The things that have been done to me within the community, are far worse than anything I've done to others.
I'm accused of making things difficult for maintenance, which was never my intention, while multiple people have been disruptive of mastodon overblower. Mike was opposed to anything I tried to do to make the technological environment better for the community. Mike was very much against moving our chat system off of slack, even though, he and Trip were looking into alternatives when I moved in. He gave me trouble about the wiki migration every time it came up. Mike, Jessie, and Ellla created unnecessary agenda items focused on forcing the mastodon overblower to do things that were already being done. In this way, they make it seem like I'm not doing what I'm responsible for, and force policies that should be voluntary. The way that these things are done, without discussion or feedback don't allow me to address concerns when they are valid, or explain to people how things work when they don't understand. They have taken away the autonomy of my position, while insisting i don't talk about their roles. The abuse I have suffered, has been a diversion tactic, orchestrated so that my accusers didn't have to face accountability for their own actions.
I have had to relive my trauma over and over. Every new round of false accusations included all the false accusations of the past. Issues that were resolved, have been repeatedly brought up and used against me. During the membership review, accusations from people who no longer live at Sasona were brought up, which is against our policies. Our rules state that throughout the membership review process, the steward is to be included and advised. This clause exists to protect members against frivolous membership reviews and abuse. The members who persecuted me have violated these rules for both membership reviews. They conducted the membership reviews against our policies and procedures, and did so in bad faith.
Throughout this process I have been persecuted for trying to uphold Sasona's rules and traditions, by people who want to make their own rules regardless of the wishes of the rest of the community. I'm also being evicted so that the person who damaged my car can avoid taking responsibility and compensating me for the damages. Our rules state that anyone who throws away, damages or destroys someone's property has to come forward and compensate for damages. This issue still needs to be resolved by the community.
For over a year I have been kept in a state of uncertainty about my living situation. I've been harassed and bullied, unable to make plans or continue my work. I have lost countless hours of sleep to trying to figure out problems that cannot be resolved, due to false accusations, and a refusal to cooperate by members of the community.
Through the denial of mediation, I have been denied the right to make amends for my behavior, as well as requesting other members make amends for their own behavior. I have also been denied my right to ask for the abuse to stop. and to be treated fairly. I have been denied my rights as an equal member of the community, and as a human being. I have been treated as subhuman.
Throughout this process, false statements and accusations have been made about me, without any burden of proof being applied to those statements. When I have tried to address these statements and accusations, I have been told that I don't listen, or dismissed outright. I have been treated as if I am dishonest in my statements and responses. The people making false statements against me have not been held accountable. They refuse mediation, which would be the first step in resolving issues. Instead they have acted in bad faith to repeatedly escalated the situations and evict me from my home. The false narrative that I don't listen, creates an environment where what I say does not matter. It leads people to treat me as if I'm not human. Many of the things I am accused of is what has been done to me. It's horrendously painful when someone is doing it to you. I felt like my feelings and experiences were being hijacked, negated, and used against me.
There have been about three people making up lies about me Another three people are restating those lies and supporting the liars. These lies form into a false narrative about who I am, how I behave, and what my motivations are.
I' have spent the last year and a half knowing that anything that I do will be represented int he worst possibly way and use against me. All I've wanted was to be left alone to live my life at Sasona. I've been bullied and abused and now I'm broken. I can't express the pain and anguish I have suffered at the hands of our community members. I find it hard to believe how malicious people can be. I don't want anyone to go through the kinds of abuse that I have gone through at Sasona. My dog and I have been discredited in the eyes of many members of the house. It's cause me months of sleeplessness and processing. It's been causing health problems. I've been unable to get work done during this time.
As I have become increasingly frustrated with being treated as a non-human, my frustration has been used against me. I am not an angry person. I am very forgiving and patient. I've forgiven my abusers many times over the past year. I believe that everyone should be treated with empathy and compassion. I don't get angry at people because I recognize their suffering. We are all dealing with trauma that we have experienced in our pasts. That's why we need to use processes like mediation to help each other heal, and make the effort to understand each other. When people don't deal with their own trauma, it can lead to abuse.
I'm being targeted, because I have always supported social justice and cooperation, fairness and equality. I would not stand by while our rules are ignored or used to attack members of the community.
I have been suffering from narcissistic abuse. I have experienced many months of stress and trauma. I can't sleep because I have nightmares involving people are lying about me. I have nightmares about people that I trust entirely turning on me. I have lost my faith in humanity. I will continue to suffer from the abuse for years to come. I've lost my will to live. I do not know how I am going to recover from my experiences here without the assistance of the community.
My mind just spins around on the problems that I cannot resolve. I have had very little assistance from the community in resolving the issues with members of the house. Chronic insomnia already makes it difficult to sleep. The stress makes insomnia worse. I have only enough money to pay rent. I have no spending money or savings. I don't have enough money to buy clothes or other basic necessities. I don't have money to move or make deposits on a another living situation. After this eviction, I will be homeless. If I'm lucky, I will have a few months of sleeping on a couch, before living on the streets.
By being evicted from Sasona at this time in my life, means that I am losing everything I have worked toward. I needed this time to write and reorganize our previous intentional community. Instead, I have to find a new living situation, and more work. This will set me back years, and make my life's work impossible. I don't have time left, during the good years of my life, to accomplish what I need to. I am losing my closest friends and my dog, who has been my dearest friend for the last six years. I'm losing everything because a few people decided to lie about me for their own benefit.